Remembering My Identity as a Beloved Daughter
April 2023 Reflection
By April, I had submitted several applications, but did not get any response. I started to get discouraged 😞. I also started to avoid talking with my old friends and meeting new people because I felt shame and embarrassment whenever people asked me where I was working. This difficult situation again made me realize that I thought my identity was based on what I can do. I believed my value was based on my job.
At Stanford, I went through a slow process to learn that I was basing my identity on my grades. For the first 3 years of college, my mood was dependent on how I was performing in classes. If I got a good grade, I was in a good mood. If I got a bad grade, I was in a bad mood. I may have been good at hiding my emotions, but this was my internal experience. I would have these negative thoughts like “I am a failure.” “I do not belong at Stanford.”
Thankfully, one day my spiritual mentor, Erica shared her story when she was a Stanford student and came to the epiphany that God had brought her to Stanford for a plan and purpose. As she was sharing her story, the tornado of lies “it was a mistake for me to be at Stanford” that had been keeping me bondage all of a sudden dissipated. That day I started to believe that God did have a plan and purpose to send me to Stanford despite the challenges. I left the room feeling so free because I realized that my report card does not determine my self-worth. My worth is based on the one who created me, and He says, I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
One of my spiritual fathers, Uncle Eric sent me in April this message, “I was sensing that your journey with God involves Him wanting you to know your identity in Him as a Beloved daughter…The Lord is more concerned about this aspect of our lives than our achievements and ministry…He is preparing His Bride to rule with Him throughout eternity.” God was so kind to remind me through Uncle Eric that my identity is secure in being His beloved daughter 👨👧.
