Being Real About My Struggle To Find a Job

May 2023 Reflection

In May, I was still frustrated that I had not yet found a job, but I found myself starting to reconnect with my family and friends and be honest with others about how I was doing.

I had hoped that I would find a job before traveling to visit my parents in May because I did not want to disappoint my parents and was not looking forward to having hard conversations. Ever since I became an adult, I always felt pressure to convince my parents that I had a successful life plan. However, when I opened up about my challenging job search, instead of receiving rebuke, I received ❤️ love and comfort from my mom and dad. It was during this trip that I realized my parents do not love me any less because I do not have a job. They love me because I am their daughter. It was healing for me to be confident that my parents love me for who I am.

I also hoped that I would be able to practice for job interviews by myself because I was embarrassed to have my friends see how unpolished I was, but God wanted me to face my fear of interviewing head-on and encouraged me to ask sister Yuliya to give me constructive feedback. As I was trying to understand why I was so scared to ask for help, I realized that I was carrying pride in my heart. I believed if I asked for help that I would be seen as weak. In so many contexts, it is easy for me to ask for help, but when it came to finding a job, I believed I should be able to do this all by myself.

Even though I was scared to practice interviewing with Yuliya, I knew that I needed to do it and spent several hours to prepare. Finally, the day came for us to meet. When I struggled to answer some of her interview questions, Yuliya continued to encourage me, giving me suggestions on how to start or giving me an example answer. Again, God was reaffirming the truth that my parents and friends love me for who I am, not for what I can do.